My answers...

I have a group of seniors reading a delightful little book titled Sophie's World.  (Whether or not my students would use the adjective "delightful" in their descriptions is questionable, I suppose.) Within its opening pages, the young protagonist is presented with four questions that deluge her curious, spongy mind :

"Who are you?"

"What makes us human?"

"Where does the world come from?"

"Do you believe in fate?"

And then Sophie's journey into the history of philosophy begins.  Naturally, I ask my students to consider their responses to these questions.  Naturally, I share with them my own.  Today seemed like as good of a day as any (even though it is not Tuesday anymore) to share my answers here.  

***********************************************************

I am Rebecca Marie Mashino and I like to consider myself a multifaceted person who is a reader, a writer, a thinker, and an athlete. I strive to be optimistic in all endeavors and do my best to encourage others to join me in this celebration of what makes life miraculous. More importantly and more to the fabric of my being, I am also a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a teacher, and a friend. These threads define me in deep and indelible ways and each is inextricably woven through the other. I am in a continuous battle of sorts in establishing an effective, healthy, and harmonious balance among each. I seek comfort in the quilt of my life and seek to provide comfort to others. It can be exhausting and frustrating, but ultimately rewarding when the balance is as it should be. As I progress through life – um, age, I guess I really mean - I think I am becoming a more proficient seamstress.

A human being, if he chooses to, has the ability to think outside of himself. He can ask questions without answers; he can consider an endless and fascinating list of possibilities. He can understand that actions have "equal and opposite reactions" that may be beyond his control, but that his place in the chaos has purpose. He can see that the universe is infinitively larger, more intricate, and much more significant than he will ever be. But, he can also find infectious joy and placid satisfaction in his place in the vastness of the unknown while continuously seeking grander and more profound understandings to share with others.

Because I am a human being, I do - quite often if I'm being honest - contemplate where it all began. The answer to such a question is more of a quest than an absolute destination. I will say that I am a woman of science and history and that I am fascinated by the plethora of the world's mythological explanations for what we cannot fully embrace with our minds. I think that ultimately, all of humanity arrives at nearly the same conclusions. The absolute destination seems of minor consequence when compared with what we discover about ourselves and each other as we experience the quest.

Fate. What an enigmatic concept, huh? The definition of Fate does not allow for any semblance of control or alterability. I cannot believe that humans - with all our astounding capacities for reason - are not in control of our own destinies. I do believe that we all are born with innate traits and talents, unique to each of us. Life becomes what we choose to make of those traits and talents. And then there are multiple other "factors" about life over which we may lack control…when we are born, where are born, to whom we are born. I used to muse that I was born in the wrong era... but that's another tale. My conclusion - for now - is that fate is a part of life, but we ultimately choose how we handle what is fated to us. Who is to say those choices do not slightly alter the path?

*******************************************************

Have you got it in you to pen an answer to these questions? My students will.  And by the way, thank you so very much to the student who left me the pretty, only initialed, sweet little reminder on my door yesterday to write.  You have no idea how deeply that touched me. I am carrying it with me now and will continue to do so.

Obligation

As treasured colleagues and I were waiting for a staff meeting to begin, we engaged in our usual banter, delightfully seasoned with jocular sagacity.  One suggested,  “Maybe you should blog about that since you haven’t yet this week.”  Ouch.  Maybe it is just a bad day of the week for me to write.  My brain began to process two reactions.  I felt flattered that he noticed; someone is reading what I have to say and cares enough to offer encouragement since I am having trouble with Tuesdays.  On the other, I felt defeated.  Someone else – other than my mother - noticed that I have been having trouble with Tuesdays.

How does that sense of obligation make me feel?  When this writing began, I thought it made me feel, well, obligated.  Obligated to something else that it seems I cannot maintain.  Something else. All of these “something elses” can create pressure-filled days and restless nights when the obligatory people and events collide.  Or run each other over.  Or blow each other up. Or crush me. So why do I continue to add the weight?  Do I think I’m Giles Corey or something? 

So I take the deep breath that Giles Corey couldn’t take and I begin to wonder. What kind of “weight” am I adding? What does “more weight” really mean? What does this “weight” represent?

To be obligated  - to people and things - is really a fortuitous treasure.  It means other people depend upon me.  It means that the things I do matter to someone other than me. At the end of the day, those feelings are phenomenal. Isn’t that the point of living life?  We should want to make as many connections with people and things as we can.  These relationships are what give our lives that elusive sense of purpose. I made a promise to myself and posed a challenge to many others who were listening to me struggle to get through a few words on October 6th, 2005.  The promise:  To forever-forward live my life, deliberately, with purpose and joy. 

So, does anyone need anything from me today?  I will winsomely oblige.

It's Wednesday...

“I’ll be home for Christmas; you can plan on me. Please have snow, and mistletoe and presents under the tree…eeee.” Because yes, I sing Christmas carols year round when I am in the shower.  There. I admit it. I LOVE Christmas carols and I LOVE the way my voice sounds in the shower. 

Then guess what happened?  I excitedly realized that it is already Wednesday!  Smile! Happy dance! This smile is followed immediately by a frustrated eye roll and a reprobative, out-loud exclamation; “You idiot!  You forgot to write!”  (So I guess there is another admission…I sometimes talk to myself.)  Not that I have not been reading and writing…furiously.  The focus of said reading and writing so far this week has been my students, which, I figure, is perfectly acceptable. 

It does continue to astound me how quickly things – time I guess I really mean - can get away from me. I really thought that this school year I would have more “time”.  My son is away at college.  Our puppy is a year older.  I have another year of teaching experience under my belt and brand new technology that everyone says will make things “easier” and “better”. Why aren’t these factors translating into more feelings of being “caught up” with things?  It should, right?  RIGHT?!? My predictions about that, it turns out, have been resoundingly wrong.

As far as the teaching thing goes, I never do everything the same.  I have this inherent need to change things up all the time.  I must be crazy! In reality, I do it for me, partly, because who wants to get bored?  But mostly I do it for the kids because NO GROUP of people is EVER the SAME.  Ever. 

And the technology?  Um…there is a bit of a learning curve there.  I am getting better and more proficient, and I am learning things from my savvy students daily, but this year, so far at least, it has been dreadfully time-consuming.  (I remain optimistic, however.)

Our puppy?  Who am I kidding?  He is STILL a PUPPY.  I love him to pieces and he deserves my attention, too.

My son being gone?  Let’s be honest.  He has been pretty self sufficient for 2 years now, so it is not that influential on my daily routine that his geography has changed. While I am not attending his athletic events anymore, I still attend the events of my students.  I like it.  It is an important use of my time.

So there it is I guess.  Why did I ever really think I would be somehow less busy this school year?  Again…self chastisement: “You idiot!”

I am still smiling because I guess I have decided today that it’s ok.  I am content with feeling constantly under pressure.  I am satisfied with the list that sits beside me of things I must accomplish tonight after school. I am looking forward to the minutes of the evening that I will claim for myself  - a few minutes with Jillian Michaels and a fantasy football draft - because I KNOW how important it is to do those things for me. 

I must admit it; I would be miserable if my life weren’t brimming with all of these wonderful things every single day.  Time really is moving at the same pace that it always has.  My life, thankfully, is just too darn full to always keep up with everything the way I would like to.  Too marvelously full. So, sometimes I write on Wednesdays.

And by the way, there are only 112 days until Christmas so get off my case for the shower caroling, alright?