Some Sibling Reflection...

I remember being able to talk my little sister, Jennifer, into just about anything when were were young.  Unzip bean bags for the purpose of ensconcing ourselves with those delightful little Styrofoam balls? Sure!  Write on walls with Crayola-Crayon-shaped, flavored lip-gloss? Ok! I was, without question, the ornery one. She suffered many punishments  because of her trust in me. Once, with the help of a cousin, I even had her convinced I was dead.  DEAD!  How awful was I? (I did get in trouble all by myself for that doozy.)

And when the little brother came along years later? Let's just say that the two of us were quite a formidable, antagonistic force against which my poor brother had to struggle. Often.  Just ask him today.  He'll be glad to tell you just how diabolical we were.

Since those care-free, rough-and-tumble days of youth, my brother joined the Army. He has had a fascinating career as a medic, filled with deployments to hostile places (from which he has always returned unscathed, thankfully) and hospital assignments at which he has healed countless veterans and civilians.  He has become a strong man, a supportive husband, and a fun-loving yet disciplined father, despite all of my relentless, youthful torture. My sister served her country abroad, became a mother and a wife, and blessed all of those around her with her desire to love and support every single person she met.  Ever.  She became a kind-hearted yet tenacious soul who I greatly admired.  Then she died. Far too early. Her death impacted me in ways that were immediate, and in much more profound ways that I still continue to discover.

My siblings have been on my mind more often than usual lately, so I thought writing about them would be healthy. Because without reflection, life slips by us too quickly, memories fade, and we stop growing.  And if we stop growing, then what is the point?

On Only my 7th entry...

...I have failed.  Yes.  It is Friday.  It is not Tuesday.  I have already failed at writing and posting on Tuesdays.  I am frustrated by my early slip up.  I cannot, however, let it deter me from remaining vigilant in my pursuit of sharing my personal writing. So here I am, writing and posting on a Friday.

It’s no wonder I did not get this done on Tuesday!  Whew…it has been a whirlwind!

• The school year is now in full swing and I am inundated with planning, presenting, and grading.
• I am focused upon what I deliver to my kids and how I deliver it.
• I am already worried about the kids I see “checking out” and whether or not they will achieve the standards-based goals I am charged with ensuring they reach and, in some instances, whether or not they will successfully reach graduation.
• I am immersed fully into learning as much as I can about these new devices we all possess and in becoming a more digital, in-the-now sort of teacher.
• I took my son to Terre Haute and left him there.
• I am feeling guilty about the poor, sweet puppy I have to leave at home alone every day as he had gotten used to all of my attention this summer.
• I am remembering how much harder it is to keep my home clean and neat when I go to school every day.
• Since it has rained and gotten hot, finally, the tomatoes in the garden are exploding.  I am washing I don't know how many every day.  Really.  Lots of them.

See?  I can barely keep track of the days of the week already!  It is a wonderful feeling. To be so connected to and passionate for the things in my life is a blessing.   The days of the week squish and huddle so tightly together that they sneak right by me.   I mean really?  It is Friday already?  My gracious! Of course, the older I get I do begin to wish time would slow down a little.  Well, just a little. 

On a positive not, I do already know about what I will write next time....ON TUESDAY!!! 

On Conversation can change it all...

One conversation - from the right place - can build a bridge over a ravine into which people almost fall. One conversation – with the right tone - can show people that they are, in fact, on the same side of a fence and nearly always have been. One conversation – with the right purpose – can stop divisive hills before they become mountainous blockades. One conversation – at just the right time – can mend the hearts of people who were unaware they were even breaking.

I am coming to realize that the foundation upon which most conflicts in life are founded is feeling. The scope of human emotion is wide and deep; fear, anger, physical pain, loss, jealously, insecurity, apathy, frustration, melancholy. These things drive us despite our best efforts to keep them from getting behind the wheel.  We attempt to ignore these things, blindly thinking we are the ones driving with these “passengers” tightly buckled down in the back seat.  I know how to buckle mine down very, very well.  They are rarely able to wiggle loose. And you know what?  I have spent a great deal of my life being very proud of that.  Yep.  You stay in the back seat you pesky emotions.  I am driving!

Then, while I think I am cruising right along, they are quietly unbuckling the restraints.  They move - clandestine and ninja-like - to the passenger seat and snuggle up close to me.  And before I can even gather myself to press the brake, my vehicle is barreling down the road, the passengers now in complete and reckless control. I have had many of these accidents.  Sometimes the damage is minor, easily fixed with a little paint.  Others have been more consequential and it has cost me a great deal to repair the damage. One or two have been irrevocable.  Total losses.

It seems to me that the best way to avoid these accidents is to ensure that my passengers never have the need to get behind the wheel.  How do I do that?  I acknowledge they are always riding along with me.  I accept them for being a part of what it means to be human, to be me. 

Of course, that being human thing means that I do occasionally let them sit on my lap and momentarily swerve me off course, headlong into that barrier I call conflict. I CAN, however, apply the brake before I crash.  I can initiate a conversation that acknowledges their influence on my course.  I can initiate a conversation from the right place, with the right tone, and with the right purpose.  When that conversation happens, my passengers gladly return to their back seat positions and fasten the seatbelt themselves.

It's all about the connections...

When it comes right down to it, all the bells of new technology never matter as much as the people who ring them. I am grateful to be working for a school corporation that provides tremendous opportunities for our kids.  What we are doing this year is pretty impressive for a school our size.  Everyone in the building is embracing it with the required amount of patience we need to employ until every little detail is set. Flexibility is and always will be one of those teacher traits one cannot live without.

But what I loved most about today was reconnecting with the young people who will populate my life for the next 9 months.  It really does feel that way…they populate my life. My life is populated by their varied personalities.  My room is crowded with their youthful banter that affords me much entertainment. Bringing a classroom full of people together in a learning community that works is a beautiful thing and it populates my life with joy.  I know, I sound ridiculously corny, but it is the absolute truth. They share their lives with me.  I share my life with them. Reading and writing are terribly marvelous endeavors of personal exposure. And I ask much of them. I cannot wait to begin reading what they have to say and finding avenues through which we can all connect. That’s the sweet spot of learning…connection.  Connections to the goals, to the material, to the activities, and to the people who populate our world…Room c4. 

I Think It Will Be Tuesdays

Yes.  I think I have decided that my blog entries will be on Tuesdays.  Seems like a good day of the week to be reflective, publicly. It is important to me to show my kids how cathartic and centering and healing it can be to honestly reflect every so often.  I am innately reflective, in my mind and on paper.  Never before, however, have I made the commitment to be publicly reflective. I have shared my writing with my students many times because modeling what I expect from them is important, but I think it's time to really show them the power of continual, honest reflection.  So Tuesdays it will be. 

Today I am sitting in my classroom, starting at the rows of empty desks and deciding how I want to arrange them.  Groups? Angled rows? Sections? Hm.  Such decisions to make! Today I am playing with apps and tools with which my students and I will engage as we work toward being the best readers, writers, thinkers, and people we can be.  I cannot wait for my students to teach me a thing or two with this new technology! Today I feel back in the grove...it is always that way when I walk through the doors.  And I am grateful for that feeling.  

So for a moment of honesty today...I AM freaking out a bit that I will be seeing students in those desks in a mere 14 days!  However, as always, I will be more than ready on the eve of the 13th day. How lucky am I to get to have a place to go every day that I absolutely love??  So very, VERY lucky.

A New Song

(Written and posted on MyBigCampus on July 15, 2014)

I find it so hard to believe that my son will no longer be occupying the hallways of “our school” for the first time this year.  How is it going to feel on August 5th, 2014 when I head back without him?  How will I handle it?  Heck… you know you are not terribly effusive with your emotions.  It has always been of paramount importance to you to keep those in check in all situations.  To a fault, perhaps.  As I contemplate how it will feel in just a few days, I wonder if I will be able to maintain that important level of control.  Since I have been at Wes-Del, he and I have shared these experiences together.  It has been our place, our studio.  Its happenings have been our soundtrack.  How will Wes-Del feel to me when he is no longer there?  Will I feel as loyal?  Will I want to be as involved?  Will I be as invested as I have always been?  Will it feel as much like home?  Will I still be a successful maker of that music?

I am worried.  I am worried that my personal stake will be diminished.  I am worried I will not feel as connected to the kids in my classroom when they are no longer connected to Evan.  I am worried my compositions will suffer.

I am not worried.  I know I care about the community in which I have lived and taught for the last several years and those feelings of dedication will not fade.  I will be the same teacher I have always been…deeply invested and deeply involved.  In fact, I think it will be just what I need to regain that inspiration that can slip away every so often. I am not worried; the tunes will keep coming; they will be new tunes. Better melodies.

The two things in my life that have most defined me for the last decade have been blended in beautiful harmony.  My professional life and my personal life have been played in the same key.  The songs I have sung have flown effortlessly from my heart.  At times they have been rhythmically cacophonous, but always in pitch.  This school year, it will be time to see if my professional songs can maintain their beauty without the wildly personal base track. 

I believe my compositions will only become more harmonious.

Summer's Fleeting Moments

(Written and Posted on MyBigCampus on July 8, 2014)

Here I sit, choosing a initially stormy Tuesday to get started preparing for all of my new students in the Fall of 2014.  Fall?  Check that.  Only people in the world of education can call August 1st "fall", but it is what it is.  Today I am 24 days away from the start  of the fall semester.  AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! 24 days?  Perhaps I should have chosen a much earlier Tuesday. :)

In all seriousness, I am feeling terrific about my progress today. Funny how I forget how much I love what I get to do for a living.   It always seems "hard" for me to get started in the summer but once I do, it feels amazing.  I get excited.  I smile.  I laugh.  I look forward to seeing colleagues. I look forward to getting back the students I have already had and getting to know the ones who will be new to me. I look forward to reading the writing they will do and sharing mine with them.  Most importantly, I look forward to re-creating a wonderful community of learners in my classroom and discovering all we can accomplish. Because when it comes right down to it, I love to TEACH because I love to LEARN. I do.  I really do.  Call me a nerd if you want; I embrace that label with all of my soul!!! :}

So as I wrap up my academic work for today, I thought I would do what I have wanted to do for years....begin a blog for my students to read. It is just as much for me as it is for you, anyone who reads this.  A recent discovery in my personal learning journey is that I enjoy writing.  Just writing.  I have almost always been a journal keeper, but now I realize how much I want to write other things:  Poetry, fictional prose, non-fiction prose, "reports"...and blogs. I think there are many teachers of this beast we call "English Class" who, quickly and sadly, loose track of the writers they once were or wanted to be.  I did.  Now I have found her again. :)

Enjoy the next 24 days my friends.  I plan to as I become a more proficient user of the wonderful  tools available to all of us at Wes-Del this year....iPads and Macs! :)