On Conversation can change it all...

One conversation - from the right place - can build a bridge over a ravine into which people almost fall. One conversation – with the right tone - can show people that they are, in fact, on the same side of a fence and nearly always have been. One conversation – with the right purpose – can stop divisive hills before they become mountainous blockades. One conversation – at just the right time – can mend the hearts of people who were unaware they were even breaking.

I am coming to realize that the foundation upon which most conflicts in life are founded is feeling. The scope of human emotion is wide and deep; fear, anger, physical pain, loss, jealously, insecurity, apathy, frustration, melancholy. These things drive us despite our best efforts to keep them from getting behind the wheel.  We attempt to ignore these things, blindly thinking we are the ones driving with these “passengers” tightly buckled down in the back seat.  I know how to buckle mine down very, very well.  They are rarely able to wiggle loose. And you know what?  I have spent a great deal of my life being very proud of that.  Yep.  You stay in the back seat you pesky emotions.  I am driving!

Then, while I think I am cruising right along, they are quietly unbuckling the restraints.  They move - clandestine and ninja-like - to the passenger seat and snuggle up close to me.  And before I can even gather myself to press the brake, my vehicle is barreling down the road, the passengers now in complete and reckless control. I have had many of these accidents.  Sometimes the damage is minor, easily fixed with a little paint.  Others have been more consequential and it has cost me a great deal to repair the damage. One or two have been irrevocable.  Total losses.

It seems to me that the best way to avoid these accidents is to ensure that my passengers never have the need to get behind the wheel.  How do I do that?  I acknowledge they are always riding along with me.  I accept them for being a part of what it means to be human, to be me. 

Of course, that being human thing means that I do occasionally let them sit on my lap and momentarily swerve me off course, headlong into that barrier I call conflict. I CAN, however, apply the brake before I crash.  I can initiate a conversation that acknowledges their influence on my course.  I can initiate a conversation from the right place, with the right tone, and with the right purpose.  When that conversation happens, my passengers gladly return to their back seat positions and fasten the seatbelt themselves.